Okay, well, for those of you who aren’t aware, here are the five lucky guys I’ve recruited to be my groomsmen … and what stunning recruits they are:
Your starting lineup –
#7, David Cloninger
Dave, probably my best bud on the planet, is my inside source for all things Gamecock athletics and erstwhile trivia partner. Thanks to his hookups, I’ve been on road trips to LSU, Ole Miss and the SEC Basketball tournament. He’s in the party because, frankly, he has too much dirt on me, and I couldn’t risk not including him. I get the last laugh, though, as you can feel free to ask him about the significance of “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard.
#6, John Tidikis
John is another great friend from college, and for the longest time was my only friend with HDTV. Lately, we’ve both been pondering the end of our bachelorhood, as John is taking the plunge in May. He’s in the party because he was nice enough to lend me his fiancee, Holly, for an evening to accompany me on my first shopping excursion to look for engagement rings, which, you know, prevented me from having a heart attack. Oh, and, also has a ton of dirt on me.
#5, Richard, a.k.a., “Big Rick” Johnston
Known by many names, including “Pops” and “Old School,” Dad is serving as the Best Man for this whole shebang. The default host for any tailgate party, he can have the entire site up and running in less than 10 minutes. Is also well known for his collection of hats (I get it honest!). I’ll leave the “Big Rick” in due to the fact that the “Big Rick/Little Rick” nicknames still get brought up in some circles, even though “Little Rick” is still bigger than “Big Rick.” He’s in the party because, well, what better way to say “thanks for changing all of those diapers … I know those middle school years were tough” than naming someone your best man? And, frankly, his #1 responsibility is to keep the other four reprobates in line. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
#16, Kevin Langston
A true “achiever,” Kevin grew my knowledge and appreciation of music, as well as “The Big Lebowski.” Pretty much any good band I’m into, Kevin will likely take credit for introducing me. We have survived not one, but two Andrew W.K. shows together in our lifetime. Also came up with the greatest idea ever when we were in Senior Semester, as we scattered N*Sync and Backstreet Boys-themed Valentines to all important people in the J-School, including Wiggins, Dr. Price and the Fast Break ladies. He’s in the party because, well, aside from being another one of my closest friends, he also has a ton of dirt on me.
#17, Greg Verret
Aside from Dad, Greg is the only one who will have a “formal” relation to me once this wedding things is over … as in, he will be my brother-in-law. Greg and I usually eat lunch once a week, where he spins yarns about the corporate culture at his employer, which is focused on world domination a positive banking experience. Greg also has smuggled me in on his church softball team, and, recently, shacked up at my place for the better part of two weeks, where we got a glimpse back into singlehoodness. He’s in the party because, well, occassionally I get invited to his place for good stuff like crawfish etouffee and bread pudding … don’t want to mess up THAT mojo!
